ive been dating this girl for a while and ive been jokingly trying to get her to watch some jiu jitsu with me and last night i ended it because she said she doesn't see the point in training and my life revolves around it. Has jiu jitsu ever messed with your love life?
im the mountain of the mat you may move me, you may crack me, but you will never break me.
Yeah it's been an issue a couple times in my marriage, Jiu Jitsu seems almost like the other woman.
I met my girl at Jiu Jitsu and still have trouble explaining the amount of time I feel I need to dedicate to training to my wife. She still trains as well but she doesn't compete and every time I take a day to travel and compete I get the cold shoulder whether she realizes shes doing it or not.
Buying Gi's are an issue too. they can buy $100+ clothes every other week but buy more then one Gi in a year and your wasting your cash on junk.
It's odd how some women put up with guys that obsess over their car or who go sit on their couch all day playing video games but you try and do something healthy and constructive like BJJ and your suddenly ignoring them for something stupid
I found the best thing is to draw the line early and say your not going to give it up, and that they should know that your going to spend a fair bit of time on it but it doesn't reflect on the relationship it's just the way it is.
Oh and overstate how much time your going to train, so if you train 4 nights a week say you train 5 that way you can "give up" a night of training every now and then for them to make them feel special.
all my disposable income goes into jiu jitsu so dating will be put on hold for another five years
im the mountain of the mat you may move me, you may crack me, but you will never break me.
Bjj has been the source of conflicts between my wife and I a few times. She hates how much I like to train, and wishes I would spend more time with her. That being said, she still supports me doing Bjj because she knows how much stress relief and excercise I get from it. I married her a long time before I started training, so she knows that she is more important to me then Bjj. Honestly, if I had to choose between my wife and bjj, I would choose my wife over bjj any day of the week. My wife knows this and she therefore has no problem with me training so much because she has emotional security because she knows she is my important.
I think that most women hate when something is more important then them. I think they hate it because they feel that they lack emotional security in the relationship. I love being able to come home from Bjj to a happy wife so that I can tell her how I am doing and what I need to work on to get better. I would honestly hate having my wife strongly dissapprove of my ONE HOBBY. Anyways, thats my two cents.
Dude at your age, if a girl cant be supportive of your goals and dreams...It might be a long term thing. I dont want to be harsh, but Ive seen it so many times where dudes start dating girls and end of giving up there training for months and months to keep them happy only to end up back on the mats anyways...If she trys to stop you from training your just going to end up resenting her anyways.
Personally Im very very lucky...My fiance has always been supportive of my BJJ dreams, and recently (about 2 months) she started rolling to spend more time with me, because she knows Im not going to stop training, and she wouldnt want me to.
i'm lucky my wife is 100% supportive of my jiu jitsu. She encourages me to get better and to train more. she likes seeing me in my gi
JiuJitsuSweep.com - Fight Hard Finish Strong
It's also your job, so its even harder to argue that point!
Originally Posted by Avenged
BJJ is fun, but my girlfriend is much more important to me. Then again, we've been together for over a decade: your perspective on valuing your partner above hobbies like BJJ is perhaps different if you're either single or not used to being in a long term relationship.
I also don't think it is healthy to obsess over any one thing in your life. I've posted this up before, but imagine you have a grid, with a square for your various hobbies, family, work etc (though this isn't accurate, I'll refer to them all as an 'activity' for ease). The size of each square should be proportional to how important the activity is to you. If any of those squares are much bigger than the others, then that is a problem.
Should you be unable to do that activity for some reason (e.g., say you get a major injury, you become super-busy at work, you move home to an area where the activity isn't available), or simply find that you're having problems with that activity and don't want to focus on it so much, then that will leave a huge gap in your grid. Also, even should you be able to happily focus on the activity forever, the bigger it gets the more risk there is of it squeezing out all the other activities, so you might find that you lose them.
Ideally, you want the grid to be filled with squares of a relatively equal size. That way, if you have run into any problems with any of them in the future, it isn't difficult to fill up the gap (whether or not it is temporary) with the remaining squares.
This type of conversation is why you date the girl you train with.
"The more you sweat in training the less you bleed in battle"
"To conquer without risk is to triumph without pride"
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